OFFSIDE |: World Cup 2026. ‘Dictator’ Kylian Mbappé chases Lionel Messi’s ‘GOAT’ record as Cristiano Ronaldo looks for redemption | Football News:

Simon and Garfunkel once sang that the words of the prophet were written on the subway walls. Their part is correct because the truth of the gospel can be seen in all kinds of art, including cartoons. Take a Paul Rigby cartoon caption in Sydney’s Daily Telegraph, which is a testament to the plight of the English batters during the 1974-75 Ashes tour. “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if Thommo can’t get it, Lillee must.” The line became so apocryphal that it became part of not only cricketing folklore but even military tactics when DGMO Lieutenant General Rajiv Ghai used the phrase to demonstrate the strength of India’s aerial defense system.And for the defenders facing Dictator Mbappé and his generals, they must have felt the same premonition that the English felt while facing Dennis Lillee or Jeff Thomson. If Mbappé doesn’t get you, Olise will. And if not Olise, maybe Dembélé. And if you avoid Dembélé….You get the drift because this is a truly talented French attack that threatens to make cricket scores when they click. Just ask Senegal and Iraq, who can’t live with Mbappé and Co. The most terrifying thing is that you get the idea that this lot is still not playing in top gear, but they are just showing the light of their craft.Take Mbappé’s first goal, where: he took a first touch with his right before cleverly slotting the ball into the goal with his left, which we’re told isn’t his stronger foot. The only things that seem capable of stopping France in this form are the forces of nature, as they did in the 131 minutes before the start of the match and Mbappé found the net again, which seemed to establish a direct arms race with Lionel Messi. The latter has 18 in 28 games. Mbappé has 16 of 16, a frightening number because it is the biggest stage of football, where even the greatest players suddenly get clay.

Speaking of Messi, he is on course to win the only award that has eluded him in football, the Golden Boot. Messi made the case after scoring two goals against Austria in the so-called Third Reich Derby and progressed to five goals, and in any normal World Cup year, five goals would be enough for the Golden Boot. Except this isn’t a normal World Cup, with Haaland and Mbappé hot on his heels. It probably wouldn’t be a contest if Messi was better at penalties.Despite being a GOAT, the Argentine is particularly bad at penalties. Now, all GOATs have their weak spots. Shaquille O’Neal sank free throws, averaging one in two. Virat Kohli has never resolved his tendency to deliver poorly outside the off stump. And Messi is an average penalty taker. In his international career, he has 25 goals from 31 penalties. Including club matches, he has 116 out of 149, a mere 77%.In comparison, Cristiano Ronaldowhose critics often called him Penaldo, took 211 penalties and still had a success rate of 83.8%, with 183 scored. Robert Lewandowski has the best record among elite players with a 91% record, while: Harry Kane is at 89.2%. Even Ronaldo’s Portuguese teammate Bruno Fernandes has an 89.3% success rate from 75 penalties.Now, it should be noted that Messi often shirks the penalty duties of teammates and even “helps” Luis Suárez, but this is a shockingly modest number for a GOAT of his stature.Speaking of GOATs, Erling Haaland was on hand to lead Norway to an entertaining 3-2 win over Senegal, making the final group game a thrilling France vs Norway clash. Haaland, whose blonde locks often see him referred to as a Targaryen, is almost the size of one of the dragons from Dragon House, especially when he taunts goalkeepers. The biggest surprise this time was that he actually got the ball and failed to score.Norway returned to the World Cup after 1998, when Haaland Sr. played, and they had the time of their lives, with everyone from politicians to fans doing the Viking row chant and giving a Disney-like sportswash to a tribe of robbers, but again, that’s always directly related to the color of one’s skin.

The next match sees France take on Norway and the internet is already awash with Batman vs Superman memes as two of the most talented players of their generation go head-to-head. Of course, France’s attack has more prongs than Norway’s, relying heavily on Haaland and Odegaard, but this could still be a game for the ages.Finally, in the last game of the day, Algeria denied Jordan a victory with two quick goals, leading commentators to say: Kobe is not. But perhaps the main talking point was Luca Zidane’s performance in goal. The Algerian got hold of Nizar Al-Rashdan’s strike but failed to prevent it from entering the net. He made two bad mistakes in the first match against Argentina, which saw Messi score twice, but he wants to keep the proverbial finger on the ball.

TALKING POINT: HAVE A BALL!

This is a relatively high score in the World Cup and one reason for that is the ball used by FIFA for this tournament. FIFA told the AP that the ball is designed with deep seams to create “optimal flight stability”, which will see it rocket towards goalkeepers and also provide more grip while striking and dribbling in wet or humid conditions.Austria coach Ralf Rangnick told the AP. “This ball is as fast as a cannonball. I think today and the last few days, you saw when you kick the ball in the right position, it’s very difficult to save.”

The Adidas Trionda is unique in that it has only four thermally bonded panels, the fewest for a men’s World Cup ball. Former England goalkeeper Joe Hart noted that the ball reached the goalkeepers faster than they expected. The four-panel design makes it aerodynamically different from other balls and can behave unpredictably when hit with spin.That, combined with more protection for attackers – think how England defenders beat Maradona before he scored the Hand of God – means this World Cup has turned into a goalfest.

A look at Day 13. Atonement for a GOAT?

Day 13 will see Ronaldo’s Portugal take on Fabio Cannavaro’s Uzbekistan, and the talented Portuguese side will be hoping to turn their campaign around after a disastrous draw against DR Congo.Cannavaro, who won the World Cup with Italy in 2006 after Zidane’s headbutt and the curse of Sarajevo, faced a team that some could argue was more talented than Figo’s Golden Generation, with Bernardo Silva, Bruno Fernandes, Vitinha, Rafael Leão, Pedro Neto and João Neves in the ranks. All eyes, of course, will be on Ronaldo, who stuttered in the first game and whose gravitational star pull, along with the toxic fandom thrown in, threatens to derail the squad and its dynamics. Much has been written about the social media storm of João Neves’ innocuous comments taken out of context.Regardless of the social media banter, questions must be asked as to whether Portugal would be better off without their veteran GOAT, whose influence has waned with age. On the other hand, anyone who has followed his career knows that his wellspring of self-belief is boundless, and if anyone can scare the critics, it’s Ronaldo. Just to put his longevity in context, 211, or 16.9%, of those participating in this year’s World Cup were born after Ronaldo made his professional debut for Sporting Lisbon.

Cristiano Ronaldo of Portugal reacts during the World Cup Group K soccer match between Portugal and Congo in Houston, Wednesday, June 17, 2026. (AP Photo/Ashley Landis)

Meanwhile, England take on Ghana, and the English will see a familiar face in the opposite dugout, with Ghana led by former Man Utd assistant coach and Alex Ferguson’s trusted right-hand man Carlos Queiroz. The game has an additional feature for England’s all-time top scorer Harry Kane, who will appear in “Boston Stadium” for the first time, but in a stadium that is actually known as Gillette Stadium and is the home of the New England Patriots and Tom Brady, the NFL’s greatest quarterback, who won six titles with the Patriots before taking his seventh year at Buccane at the age of 43.Kane, a self-christened Brady stan, has long talked about becoming an NFL kicker when his playing days are over, but for now he remains committed to breaking the trophy in England. The Three Lions have not won a major trophy since the 1966 World Cup, which they won on home soil, and while Kane has finally got his hands on the silverware after swapping Spurs for Bayern Munich, he will hope to do Brady and finally get England victory. He’s not alone though, and Tuchel has picked a talented English side to go with him, including the concept of rugby-style finishers. The term refers to the introduction of talented players at the death to ensure that the team does not run out of energy, the way Morgan Rogers, Marcus Rashford and Bukayo Saka were introduced in the last 15 minutes against Croatia.On the other hand, Ghana’s attacking ambitions are led by Antoine Semenyo, who was born in London and plies his trade for Manchester City in the Premier League.Croatia face Panama in Luka Modric’s 200th game, and Modric may be his team’s problem and solution. The perennial overachievers of the World Cup only gained independence in 1991 but have been runners-up once, in 2018, and third place twice, in 1998 and 2022. However, this year, the men in red and blue look short, even if victory would help them qualify. And finally, Colombia faces DR Congo, whose 5-3-2 system stopped Portugal and who also bring their “statue guy” back to the stands.Overall, by the end of Day 13, each team will have played two games, giving a clearer picture of what to expect as we head into the round of 32.

MEME VIEW:

And the winner: Hydration Break with Ronaldinho

PS: Thanks to Twitter users @SarathySatire, @vish0890, @vinit_shenoy and @n_aficionado for their submissions. If you have memes to submit, tag @nonsensicalnemo and use the hashtag #TOIOFFSIDE.